Marital advice: letting go of the small things

I found out that an item my husband purchased wasn’t the best or cheapest he could have gotten. I found a better version for the same price online. Had this happened a year ago I would have spent all day telling him that he made the wrong choice and that there were better choices to make. But now I just close the page with the items I was looking at and walk away from the computer.

Until recently I always felt that we needed to save every cent or at least get the best quality for the price we pay. But as important as saving money is I’ve realisd there are a few instances where it’s not worth fighting over or stressing about.

1. If you cant return it or exchange it make the most of it. I learned that if you choose to let a purchase make you angry than you’ve truly wasted money. But if you let it to and focus on what you have, then it wasn’t a complete waste. Make the most of what you got. It’s ok to be happy even if you regret a decision.

2. No point finding better deals after the fact. I used to start fights because I felt he made the wrong decision. Then I learned that there is a difference between a wrong decision and an ignorant decision. My husband is not one to blindly buy something expensive without putting a lot of thought and research into it. So even though he may not have made the best decision, he made the best decision he could with the knowledge he had. And berating him over the tiny little things didn’t benefit either of us.

3. Don’t beat yourself up when you see something better. My husband isn’t the only one that makes bad buying decisions, I do as well, and sometimes we do it together. I’ve learned not to hold it over our heads when a bad decision is made because we are both trying and beating each other or ourselves up when we fail doesn’t do us any good. But I find that when he beats himself up it only leads him to create more bad decisions. I do the same when I beat myself up. All it does is make you weaker. It is possible to let go of regret while you learn.

If you’re not able to work through the little things in a marriage, or even for yourself, it creates a place in your heart for bitterness and resentment. After all, it’s the little things that get on your nerves, and it’s giving up on changing those things that builds up negativity.

A lot of times we don’t realize we are letting the little things build inside until the explode. When your husband forgets to take out the trash you find yourself yelling internally about how he “never” helps around the house. When your wife spends money on new shoes you complain that she’s “always” spending money. And then all it takes is one word and then the top blows and you’re yelling about everything that’s bothered you for the last three months.

If not anger then most times the small things build to disappointment. As exhausting as it is to constantly tell someone something bugs you, it’s better than letting it build. And learning to forgive mistakes will go a long way.

One thing that helps when I’m upset about something my husband did is to ask “how would I want him to treat me if I made this decision/mistake?” A lot of time a this calms me down because it’s easy for me to forget we can’t always make perfect decisions.

If my husband was writing this blog he’d tell you about all the times I’ve said stupid things or made stupid buying decisions. He would also agree that holding those things over either of our heads never did any good or made the other one feel better. What helped the most was telling each other how we felt about a decision and learning to move forward from it, because arguing about how we “always” make bad decisions won’t help us to make better ones down the road.

I’d rather have a whole lot of short fights that don’t mean anything than to regularly have big fights after suppressing my emotions.

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